so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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