Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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