Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
did i walk over a car last night?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
