if only i could text you this smell
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
