i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
