i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
