my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
