You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
