Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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