when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Also, beer. Big fan.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
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