So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
