Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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