i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
