Your face is a jimmy john
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
