FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
