it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
