if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
