he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
