fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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