My hand turned me down
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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