Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
