This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
