found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
