THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
