I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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