let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
