Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
