I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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