Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
