Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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