That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
did i walk over a car last night?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
