My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We are all done wearing pants today
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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