Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
