She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
