Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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