Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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