Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
