Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
