Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
