He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
