the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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