I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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