Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
