So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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