with your own penis?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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