i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
