I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
