This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
did i just pee glitter
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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