I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
