i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
