What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
